I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
