if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
