If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
