I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
