The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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