Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
