It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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