I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
