Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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