To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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