I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
