god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
