Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
