i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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