i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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