He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
