is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
