90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
