he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
