shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
