Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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