Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
