im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
