I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
