I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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