What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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