the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
