Your dad touched me again.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
