Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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