maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
