i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
