Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
