oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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