why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just found a bag of teeth...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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