How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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