im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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