I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
