Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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