So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
