Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
