guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
