i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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