Where did you get a picture of my penis
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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