please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
