I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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