Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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