He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
