You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
