Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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