I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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