"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
