sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I want a musical about memes.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
