This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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