During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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