and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
